Visus Verus
by vampfire
Summary: This is a Mairelon the Magician fanfiction. If you're looking for that, you're in the right place. If you've never heard of that book before, you probably won't enjoy this fic :)
1. Chapter 1

Visus Verus  
  
By: vampfire  
  
AN: The world and characters belong to Patricia Wrede, author of two of my favorite books of all time. I don't go out of my way to explain who everyone is or what has happened, so if you haven't read the books Mairelon the Magician and the Magician's Ward, I suggest you find a better fanfic to read. Also, there are spoilers for anyone who hasn't read both novels. This is set after the Magician's Ward. For those curious, the title means "true seeing" in Latin.  
  
Feedback is appreciated! Review or email me (semperfi_neversaydie@yahoo.com). Also email me if you know of any other Mairelon fanfic out there or have written some of your own. I didn't know Mairelon fanfic existed until I ran into "Fiat Lux" by Voice of the Mist (which is also posted in this section of FF.net).  
  
***  
  
Who would have thought the day would come when she'd find herself spying on Mairelon, of all people. Feeling extremely guilty, Kim flattened herself against the wall as she watched Mairelon exit the coach. The doorman let him in at once, with not a word exchanged between them. That in and of itself wasn't suspicious; with all the years that Richard Merrill had been coming here to visit, the doorman knew to send him right in. Kim let herself fade back into the shadows and circled the house, trying to judge by the lit rooms where in the house Mairelon had gone. Surely he was in the library, where any proper guest would go. But the curtains of all the library windows were drawn, and it was impossible to tell if the room was occupied.  
  
For all of Kim's history as a thief, housebreaking really wasn't her specialty. Besides, it would be an insult to both Mairelon and the owner of the house, Renee D'Auber. Kim didn't honestly think Mairelon was doing anything besides talking with Renee. Well, perhaps some spell-casting, but certainly nothing inappropriate. After all, he was engaged to be married to Kim in less than a fortnight, and Kim trusted Mairelon in a way she'd never trusted anyone else. She trusted Mairelon with her life; why was it so much harder to trust him with her heart?  
  
Kim slipped away from the house, heading for the less-traveled roads instead of taking the main one. Even in the poor light of the evening and despite her jacket and the cap that hid her long hair, Kim doubted she could pass as a boy under any scrutiny. 'Better to be home quick and forget I'd ever tailed Mairelon tonight,' Kim thought to herself, feeling almost sick with another wave of guilt. She trusted Mairelon more than this. But she had been beside herself with worry this past week, and was hardly thinking rationally when she'd decided to pull the box of grubby boy's clothes down from the top shelf and follow Mairelon when he'd left the house without a word to anyone else. Upset with herself for being suspicious of Mairelon and feeling suddenly very alone, Kim had to squeeze her eyes shut against the threat of tears. When she'd composed herself, she took a deep breath and started running, now wanting nothing more than to get home.  
  
*** 


	2. Chapter 2

***  
  
ONE WEEK EARLIER  
  
"Put me down!" Kim said half-heartedly, laughing as Mairelon swung her in a circle. Little magic balls of light popped into existence in a ring around them as Mairelon showed off his recently reacquired magic. Mairelon set Kim down in front of him, slightly out of breath and grinning from ear to ear. Kim smiled back, relieved and happy that everything had gone well. The balls of light remained, bobbing up and down as though they were floating on the surface of a lake.  
  
A shiver ran through Kim as Mairelon continued to hold her gaze. His smile had faded and his expression was serious, but she could see the happiness in his eyes. Kim's heart swelled as she realized he was moving closer. When Mairelon's lips met hers, she found herself clutching his sides and holding him near. The kiss swept her away; kissing Mairelon was still a new experience and one she knew she'd never grow tired of. He drew away, and Kim found his arms were around her as well. She stood, content in the circle of his arms and said rather belatedly, "I'm glad you got your magic back."  
  
"I am too," he answered, tightening his arms around her. Voices drifted up to them as a door was opened downstairs, and Mairelon's arms fell away as they moved apart. Kim realized the magic lights were gone as well. With a glance downstairs, Mairelon said, "I believe it's supper time... shall we?"  
  
Kim took Mairelon's arm and they went down the stairs together.  
  
***  
  
The next day, Kim and Mairelon visited the Royal College to see if there'd been any progress in the attempts to return the street magicians' magic to them. Kim knew two of them personally, but they didn't recognize her. The Kim they knew was a grubby boy, a petty thief who'd disappeared a year ago and who looked nothing like the fine young lady she appeared as now.  
  
Kim couldn't drag her eyes away from the faces of the men she'd known as frogmakers all her life. They were still sane, but looked as though they hadn't slept in weeks, and Wags was feverish, barely holding together under the strain of so many weeks under the spell. Kim stood silently and watched them as Mairelon spoke with the wizards in charge of their treatment.  
  
Kim stepped back into the bright morning sun and shivered. She couldn't shake the memory of Ma Yanger's broken form and how close she'd come to losing Mairelon to the same insanity. Mairelon too was quiet, and they barely exchanged a few words during the long ride back to the house.  
  
Kim became concerned when Mairelon barely answered the questions she put to him about the treatment of the street magicians. He seemed distracted by something, and she couldn't imagine what. Kim frowned. Had something happened that she'd missed?  
  
If he didn't feel the need to confide in her, then she wasn't going to pry, but she longed to ask him what was wrong. Kim silently reprimanded herself for worrying. When had she become so overly protective of Mairelon? She knew the answer, and the memory of that night in the library tugged at her heart. For the weeks he'd lived without even enough magic to light a candle, Mairelon had been obsessed with finding a remedy for his condition. Before the dire consequences of his innocent scrying spell, Kim would never have believed the unflappable Mairelon could look vulnerable. But the lost look in his eyes the night she'd discovered him drinking in the library had felt like a hand squeezing her heart.  
  
As they exited the carriage, a quick glance only revealed that Mairelon's face was unreadable. Wondering if she'd been over-analyzing Mairelon's silence, Kim followed him into the house, thinking rapidly in the effort to find some excuse to stay in his presence longer. Barely was she in the house before Mairelon's Aunt Agatha found her, exclaiming, "Why, there you are! We've an appointment at the dress-maker's shortly; I was afraid we would be late!"  
  
"The dress-maker's?" Kim echoed tonelessly. 'Surely they've gotten that dress to fit me by now!' she thought forlornly. Mairelon had turned to glance at her at the sound of her voice, frowning ever so slightly at her lack of enthusiasm. But surely he knew her attitude was aimed at the trip to the dress-maker's, not at the wedding itself.  
  
It was then that Kim realized that wasn't entirely true. She truly wasn't enthused about the wedding. Marrying Mairelon yes, but the wedding itself she dreaded. Being the center of attention of so many toffs made her nervous down to the core. It was a feeling she knew she'd never be rid of. Too distracted by her sudden revelation, Kim found herself being ushered towards a waiting coach by Aunt Agatha. Mairelon was nowhere to be seen, and she'd not even said goodbye.  
  
What seemed like endless hours of turning this way and that in front of Aunt Agatha and the dress-maker gave Kim too much time to worry about the wedding. It occurred to her that the wedding was only the beginning. She would be a lady of the ton, expected to take on the myriad of social responsibilities she'd barely just learned about.  
  
Kim felt singularly unprepared for another aspect of married life she'd hardly ever thought of. Her relationship with Mairelon was about to become intimate. She desperately wanted to make Mairelon happy in that regard too, but despite the fact that she'd known what the stews were by age seven, she'd had very little education on the subject of intimacy. And what if there were children? Kim felt incapable of living her own life, much less bringing new lives into the world.  
  
By the time Kim was allowed to return home, she was in quite a state. Lady Wendall took one look at her and sent her to her rooms to rest. Distantly, Kim was aware she was overreacting and managed to calm herself enough to fall into a fitful sleep.  
  
*** 


	3. Chapter 3

***  
  
Kim awoke barely an hour later feeling somewhat better, but with a persistent sense of nagging worry in the back of her mind.  
  
At dinner, she caught Mairelon giving her a sharp look full of concern when he thought she wasn't looking, but he seemed to be reassured by what he saw. Kim breathed a sigh of relief and spent the remainder of dinner trying to surreptitiously study Mairelon and determine whether he was still in the funk he'd seemed to be earlier.  
  
After dinner, Mairelon asked Kim to join him in the library, where he handed her a book she'd never seen before, saying, "I realize that this whole affair with Mannering has put your education on hold..." He managed to catch her gaze and smiled slightly. "If you have some time to spare for reading tonight, I'd like to have a lesson tomorrow."  
  
Kim smiled back, pushing all her worries aside. "Of course I've got time," she told him.  
  
"Good," Mairelon said, looking relieved, "the third and fourth chapters have the important bits."  
  
"Okay," Kim said, then was uncertain of what to say next. Should she go to her rooms to read? If she read here, would Mairelon stay with her?  
  
"I had something I've been meaning to read too," Mairelon said rather awkwardly. "If you'd like to read here..."  
  
Kim murmured something in the affirmative and chose one of the large wing- backed chairs. Mairelon went to the bookshelves and selected a large book before taking a chair nearby. Kim suppressed a smile at the sudden thought that he might have just selected a book at random to read in order to stay near her.  
  
At first she made slow progress, stealing glances at Mairelon and admiring the way he looked as he read. Mairelon's pages seemed to be turning much faster than hers, and she found herself watching him read.  
  
Kim's attention was pulled back to the book as she studied the next diagram drawn onto the page. She hadn't been paying an enormous amount of attention, but she could have sworn... Kim flipped back to the previous page and studied the diagram there. Yes, they were identical. The text failed to explain either figure; it appeared to be a discussion unrelated to any specific spell. Yet the diagrams were clearly labeled as separate, distinct drawings.  
  
Kim glanced up at Mairelon, finding he appeared to be intent on his reading. "Mairelon?" she asked quietly. He raised his eyes to hers, and she went on, "The first two diagrams in chapter three are the same..."  
  
"Are they?" he asked, unperturbed. His eyes were fixed on hers. She sighed when he offered nothing further. She'd forgotten how annoying the magical lessons from Mairelon often were. But she returned to reading with determination, though she had to suppress a smile when the turn of the page revealed a third diagram identical to the others. Here she stopped reading and turned the page. No figure there, but the next one held another identical diagram. She was definitely missing something.  
  
Intrigued, Kim turned back to the first figure and carefully re-read the text that preceded it. It was a rather wordy discussion of obscure theory, entirely unrelated to the diagram. But it used as an example the Latin words "visus verus;" more over, the drawing was placed so that phrase was centered directly above it.  
  
With a mischievous glance at Mairelon, Kim sketched the diagram in her mind and mouthed the words, "visus verus!" Suddenly the ink of the diagram swam up from the page and rearranged itself; it was now a much smaller figure with a caption of text beneath. The caption described a spell to enhance a wizard's vision at night, and described exactly what steps to take. The diagram on the next page had also been transformed and discussed a spell to help deafen the sound of footsteps.  
  
Kim looked up from the book to see Mairelon looking at her with a small smile. "If you weren't my own ward, I'd be embarrassed at how much quicker a study you are than me," he told her. "I poured over that entire chapter and the next for hours before realizing how to find the real message of the book."  
  
Kim blushed at Mairelon's praise and tried to alter the subject, "Is the rest of the text unimportant?"  
  
"Certainly not; it's a very useful, if verbose, discussion of magic theory. But the writer added those diagrams to the third and fourth chapters to detail a handful of practical spells." Mairelon gave her a considering look before saying slowly, "Ironically, the most intriguing spell is not explained... the one the author used to conceal those diagrams."  
  
Kim returned his gaze and remembered Mairelon had promised a magic lesson tomorrow. "Is that what we're going to do tomorrow?" she asked him, "Try an' figure out that spell?"  
  
Mairelon nodded. "If you'd like to, that is."  
  
"'Course I would," Kim answered. She took her leave of him, and went to bed feeling better than she had all day.  
  
*** 


	4. Chapter 4

***  
  
Kim woke with a start. Her heart felt like it was in her throat, and she panicked for a second until she realized where she was. Kim sank back down to the pillows and breathed in and out steadily. Her nightmare had been a confusing mix of fears. Mairelon and his magic being enslaved by Mannering, Kim overhearing Mairelon say he was really only marrying her out of pity, Mairelon dying... Kim shook her head to clear it. 'Look at you,' she told herself, 'scared senseless by some half-baked dream.'  
  
Kim lay in bed, hoping for sleep to return, but realizing that possibility was slim. It was still hours until what Aunt Agatha would consider a proper hour to be up and about, so she was doomed to stay here, consumed by her fears for Mairelon and doubts of her own worthiness to be his wife. She kept tossing and turning in the attempt to escape her worries in sleep, but sleep failed to return.  
  
When Kim went down for breakfast, Mairelon's mother inquired if she'd slept well and seemed skeptical at Kim's, "Yes, thank you."  
  
Mairelon wasn't at breakfast. And it rapidly became apparent that there were social calls in store for Kim this morning. A few hours later, Kim found herself the guest of a young lady she vaguely remembered meeting weeks ago, along with three other girls and their mothers. Kim barely managed to participate in the conversation, which she found deathly boring. Smiling to herself, she thought how much livelier it would be with Mairelon here. Conversation with Mairelon was anything but boring. Thoughts of Mairelon kept her mind occupied for the rest of the visit, and she was glad when she and Lady Wendall were seated in a carriage bound for home.  
  
"Have you been doing well lately, Kim?" Mairelon's mother asked her lightly.  
  
"Yes, I've been fine..." Kim replied quickly. Kim considered telling Lady Wendall something about the emotional turmoil she'd been swamped in, but didn't know what to say. For as wonderfully kind as Mairelon's mother had always been to her, she was still born and bred in Society, and Kim knew she wouldn't be able to understand Kim's fears about her new place in the ton.  
  
"You know if there is ever anything you need," Lady Wendall continued, "You have only to ask."  
  
Kim blushed, realizing how remiss she was in thanking the Merrills for everything they'd done for her. "I'm fine... you've been more than generous... thank you for everything... I'm in your debt," she stammered.  
  
Lady Wendall waved her thanks aside, "No, you're not, Kim; you're part of the family now." She smiled at Kim, "And about to be an even closer part of the family." She patted Kim's hand, apparently reassured from any doubts she'd had regarding Kim's well-being.  
  
*** 


	5. Chapter 5

***  
  
Mairelon didn't make an appearance at the house until dinner. But Kim was just grateful he hadn't disappeared completely. Throughout the meal, she found herself looking over at Mairelon and finding his gaze already on her. He did the same several times, so many in fact that they each hid a smile the next time their eyes met.  
  
Kim felt as though she was seeing Mairelon for the first time. His shirt fit him well and seemed to bring out the color of his eyes. She smiled as she studied his hair; as always, it was slightly out of place as if it was an outward manifestation of his absent-mindedness. She had the sudden mental image of running her fingers through it, and looked down at her plate quickly. She was surprised at herself; Mairelon was certainly the first man to evoke such a response in her.  
  
She made it through dinner without staring too openly at the attractive wizard sitting across from her. She hardly spoke during the meal, and Mairelon too was unnaturally quiet. A short while after the meal, Mairelon found her and said, "Do you feel up to some spell-casting this evening?"  
  
Something in the tone of his voice made the question seem a bit formal, and Kim felt as though she was accepting his offer to do more than continue her magic lessons. But she told him truthfully, "I've been waiting all day for it!" and followed him to the room where unpredictable spells were always cast.  
  
"Kim, if you'd do the honors," Mairelon said as they entered. Kim concentrated briefly and checked on the permanent ward that protected the room for the purpose of containing any wayward spells.  
  
"Seems all right to me," Kim said. Mairelon nodded, appearing to trust her judgment rather than check the ward himself.  
  
He walked over to one of the shelves in the room and came back towards Kim with a shard of chalk. "As you know, there are a variety of ways to investigate the nature of a particular spell. Do you remember reading about them some time ago?"  
  
"I think so," Kim said, suddenly nervous that she would seem like a dolt in front of Mairelon when she didn't remember something.  
  
"When is it easiest to analyze a spell?" he asked.  
  
"When it's actually happenin'," Kim answered easily, then sobered as she realized this could be a sensitive subject. After all, Mairelon had only recently recovered the magical abilities that he'd lost by trying to analyze a spell in progress.  
  
Mairelon too looked a little uncomfortable. He turned from her and kneeled to begin drawing on the bare floor with the chalk. As he did, he spoke to her, "I'm going to show you a useful spell to do just that. This will require both of us casting simultaneously and could be quite tricky." He finished drawing and sat back. "You'll need to do the true-seeing spell from the book to cause the true diagrams to be revealed, while I work the analysis spell. Then we can switch and let you have a go at the analysis spell."  
  
He brought over a high stool and set paper and writing utensils on it. He caught Kim's gaze for a second but looked down at the chalk diagram before saying, "The difficult bit is coordinating the spell-casting so that the person working the spell we intend to analyze doesn't get any backlash from the analysis spell. But I don't think that will be a problem; you've become quite accomplished at spell-casting."  
  
Kim found herself looking down at the toes of her shoes as Mairelon laid the book in question on the floor, open to the first of the seemingly identical figures. He stood up beside her, barely a foot away. "Here's the part we need to coordinate," he told her, stepping closer. "If you could... give me your hand," he said a little uncertainly. Kim took his hand, her pulse speeding up as Mairelon stepped even closer. He turned her hand in his so they were clasped together but each pointing at the chalked diagram with their first fingers. Kim wondered how in the world she would focus on a complicated spell with the distraction of Mairelon standing so close that her dress brushed his legs.  
  
When Mairelon spoke, his voice was hoarse. "We start by pointing at this line to the left and trace the diagram at a slow pace. It's important that we finish just as you have finished the true-seeing spell on the book." He paused and she could hear him take a steady breath.  
  
"I'll guide our hands, but you'll need to be aware of where we are in the chalk diagram so that you finish drawing the book's diagram in your head at the same time. Do you think you can do that?" He turned his head slightly to see her reply, and she watched the recognition fill his eyes when he realized he was only a breath away.  
  
Kim could only nod. Mairelon turned to look at the floor and cleared his throat. "We'll practice a few times first; just be sure not to say the phrase that will invoke the spell."  
  
Again Kim nodded and found it really did take her entire concentration to coordinate the two diagrams. It was even harder to focus on her mental diagram with her eyes opened and staring at a very dissimilar figure on the floor. "How'd it go?" Mairelon asked when their hands pointed at the final point of the chalked figure.  
  
"Nearly the same," Kim said with some surprise. They practiced twice more before she timidly said, "I'm ready." Mairelon nodded and gave her a quick nervous smile before pointing at the first part of the diagram. He began to guide their hands as Kim began to mentally build her own diagram. Mairelon mouthed the words of the analysis spell as they went so as not to distract Kim. But she knew what he was doing because heat flared across her face as though rising from the chalk before them. The crystal words danced in her vision, but helped her concentration rather than distracting her.  
  
She finished her mental drawing and whispered "Visus verus!" as Mairelon stayed their hands. The words flew from her and jostled with the framework of the other spell, and in the air she could see the letters fly apart and come back together to form new words. The words shone with light so brightly she closed her eyes. But when she peaked a second later, she found the words were fading rapidly. Mairelon had dropped their hands to their sides but had not relinquished her hand. His right hand was writing rapidly on the paper he'd set on the stool, and Kim realized he was writing down the words before they faded completely.  
  
The words were all in Latin, so meant nothing to her, but Mairelon had finished writing and appeared to be reading over what he'd just jotted down. He turned to her with a smile and said, "It's the first step in setting a spell like the one that disguised the figures in the book!" He squeezed her hand, then appeared to remember he was holding it, and released her.  
  
Kim was surprised at his excitement, "You mean you've never analyzed this spell before?"  
  
"No," he told her, "I thought of it months ago, but realized what a good opportunity it would be for you to try your hand at spell-casting. Speaking of which, we need to modify my analysis spell some; then you can try that part."  
  
Kim was uncertain since Mairelon had said the person performing that part had to be careful not to hurt the other wizard with an uncontrolled backlash of power, but she soon forgot that fear as Mairelon began grilling her on how the diagram needed to be altered.  
  
After the long process of fixing the diagram so they could determine the next step in the spell they were investigating, Kim stood and closed the distance between herself and Mairelon. She stood so close to him their sides were touching slightly, a fact that made her body feel warm all over. She took his right hand in her left and curled their fingers together. She glanced at Mairelon's face and found his eyes were closed.  
  
"Tell me when to start," she said uncertainly, feeling dizzy with Mairelon's nearness.  
  
"Whenever you're ready," he told her in a low voice.  
  
Kim swallowed and began moving their hands to trace the diagram on the floor. They practiced a few times; then Mairelon taught her the words to her part of the spell.  
  
They began, and Kim managed to remember the hastily memorized incantation and time the words well with their progress around the diagram. But right from the beginning, the words she uttered trembled with power. Kim had never worked a spell with so much raw power in it, and she struggled to trap the energy into each word, willing the letters to contain it. She maintained a precarious hold over them until the end, but just as they completed the diagram and Mairelon's two words rang out, she felt the spell slip...  
  
Mairelon didn't cry out or say a word, but his whole body jerked beside her, and Kim grabbed him with both hands. "Mairelon!"  
  
His dazed eyes met hers, and he managed, "I'm fine Kim... the words. Write down the words."  
  
With a fierce frown, Kim bit her lip and turned to the paper on the stool to scribble down the letters as best she could. She turned back to Mairelon when she'd finished and found him rubbing his temples. Kim cringed. "Mairelon, I didn't mean... I'm sorry!" she told him.  
  
Mairelon smiled and put a hand on her arm, "It's all right, Kim. Really, that was hardly anything as far as backlashes can go. I've been knocked unconscious by recoiling spells before. I'll be fine."  
  
She frowned; no, it wasn't all right. Mairelon had trusted her, and she'd let him down. She'd let him get hurt. "You should sit down..." she said.  
  
"Perhaps I should," Mairelon said, taking in her worried face, "but honestly that wasn't too bad a shock. After all, it's not as though you lost control of the spell; you still got the next set of instructions written down." Kim shivered at the thought of what harm would have come to Mairelon if she'd completely lost control over the amount of power she'd put into that spell.  
  
They took seats next to each other on the other side of the room, but Kim was still spooked at the idea of what could have happened to Mairelon. "Mairelon," Kim said, "Maybe I shouldn't do any spell-casting..."  
  
"Nonsense, Kim," he said in no uncertain terms. "This was completely my fault. I'd forgotten how difficult it is to weave a large amount of power into a spell for the first time. It was silly of me not to have you practice on a powerful spell that was a little less dangerous first."  
  
He smiled reassuringly at her and seemed to have recovered, but Kim still felt very guilty for injuring him. Mairelon launched into an explanation of the various types of spells that required a great deal of raw power and the techniques necessary to cast them. Kim paid avid attention so she would never harm Mairelon like that again, but couldn't help the guilt she still felt.  
  
*** 


	6. Chapter 6

***  
  
The next day, Mairelon seemed very busy, and Kim hardly saw him a few moments all day. When they did speak, Kim felt awkward, unsure how to apologize for letting him down the day before.  
  
That evening, Kim decided to read in the library in the hope that she might see Mairelon. After an hour of reading one of the books Mairelon had suggested recently, she was nearly ready to quit when she heard the library doors drawn open.  
  
Mairelon came into the library, but looked surprised to find Kim there. He said hello and dropped into a chair across from Kim with a sigh. Kim set her book aside; she could see the worry on his face and wondered where he'd been all afternoon.  
  
Mairelon looked up at her, and the worried look on his face failed to disappear.  
  
"Long day?" Kim said uncertainly.  
  
At that, she got a smile. "Quite." His smile faded quickly, and he leaned forward to rest his arms on his knees and stare down at the floor. Kim realized his hair looked as though he'd been running his hands through it.  
  
Mairelon seemed to consider his words before going on. "Shoreham asked me to help him and the team of wizards working on the rookery wizards still caught in Mannering's spell. Their condition was worsening, as Mannering slipped further into insanity. We... determined it would be best to try to release them from the spell now before it became too late."  
  
Kim waited for him to go on, but when he failed to, she couldn't help asking, "What happened?"  
  
Mairelon's eyes closed. "Two of them seem perfectly fine; they have their magical abilities back and seemed quite coherent. They were very grateful for our help. Shoreham's making sure they receive medical attention."  
  
"And the others..." Kim said quietly.  
  
Mairelon shook his head. Kim had to bite her lip hard to keep from saying anything unnecessary. But she'd known Jemmy and Wags and some of the others personally. While they might not have been friends, they'd lived on the same streets all their lives together. "I'm sorry, Kim," she heard Mairelon say. Kim nodded distractedly. More than mourning for the frogmakers, Kim was remembering with a sick feeling how close she came to losing Mairelon to the same fate.  
  
Mairelon was looking at her with undisguised concern. "Are you all right?" he asked softly.  
  
Kim looked up at him, surprised he'd asked. Mairelon normally wasn't one to talk about feelings. For that matter, neither was Kim. She surprised herself when she found herself admitting, "I'm just glad you got your magic back." Then she added quietly, "I was real worried about you when I found you'd started drinking when it seemed like you'd never get it back."  
  
Mairelon looked puzzled. "Drinking? I don't think I was ever *that* upset over that spell. I thought I kept a rather cool head about it, all things considered..." He gave her a curious look, but Kim found herself equally confused.  
  
"Come off it," she said with a slight laugh, "You weren't so foxed that you've forgotten that night, have you? When Lord Starnes tried to break into the library, sauced on gin?"  
  
Mairelon's face fell. "I don't think I could ever forget that day," he admitted quietly. "But my lack of magic was the least of my concerns."  
  
Kim blushed as she realized that was the day Lord Franton had made her an offer for marriage. Her eyes widened as she realized what had really driven Mairelon to drinking that night. He'd thought he would lose her to Lord Franton! 'Bufflehead,' she thought sadly. Her heart ached as she realized the pain she'd caused him. It seemed she could never do anything right where Mairelon was concerned.  
  
Kim glanced at Mairelon to find his gaze intently elsewhere. She swallowed hard.  
  
The library doors opened to admit Mairelon's aunt, who gave them each a sharp look before inquiring whether now would be a good time for Kim to help get the wedding invitations ready. Kim glanced at Mairelon, who was still leaning forward with his arms propped on his knees and studying the floor. Kim had no choice but to leave.  
  
*** 


	7. Chapter 7

***  
  
Kim was chased by more nightmares regarding Mairelon all night and couldn't get any peaceful rest. She felt terrible in the morning, but thought she did a good job of hiding it at breakfast. She couldn't eat much, however, since her stomach was tight with worry. It was almost always in the background now, a nameless fear nagging her constantly.  
  
Mairelon too was quiet. Kim studied him from across the table and decided he'd had a rough night as well. She couldn't help but wonder if he was having second thoughts about marrying her. A few days ago, Kim's logical side would never have allowed her to entertain such a foolish idea, but more and more her worries were getting to her.  
  
Kim had assumed Mairelon would disappear after breakfast, but instead he approached her. "Renee invited us to tea this afternoon," he began, "But if you don't want to go, you don't have to..."  
  
"I'll go," Kim said, wondering why Mairelon would think she wouldn't want to go on the one social call in weeks that would involve him.  
  
***  
  
Mairelon seemed uncomfortable throughout the ride to Renee D'Auber's home. Kim spent the time trying to figure out what was bothering him and concluded it must have been something she'd done.  
  
When they arrived, they were escorted to the library, where Renee greeted Kim warmly before turning to Mairelon, exclaiming, "I am so happy for the both of you!"  
  
"Renee," Mairelon said sincerely, "thank you." He held her gaze and something significant passed between them. Kim fought the urge to look away. The moment passed quickly, and Renee invited them both to sit down.  
  
Kim's mind was far from the conversation as her self-doubts resurfaced. Maybe she'd been wrong in assuming nothing had ever happened between Renee and Mairelon. The thought rang through her head again for the hundredth time, 'If a brilliant wizard like Renee had failed to attract Mairelon in all the years they'd known each other and the beautiful Letitia Tarnover hadn't turned Mairelon's head, how on earth did he see anything in Kim?'  
  
Her doubts and fears were chasing each other in circles in her mind, but suddenly Renee was asking her about plans for the wedding, and she had to return to the conversation. She tried to sound excited about the wedding, but inside she was scared and lost. Mairelon's slight worried frown did nothing to help.  
  
The carriage trip home was another quiet affair. Mairelon was gazing out the window, apparently lost in thought. Kim wondered if he was thinking about Renee, then scolded herself for the thought. Mairelon was marrying *her.* That meant he loved her, right? This wasn't something he was doing out of pity. But could she really ever make him happy? Kim sadly realized she didn't have a clue how to do that.  
  
*** 


	8. Chapter 8

***  
  
Mairelon disappeared for the remainder of the day after he and Kim returned from Renee D'Auber's. Nor was he at breakfast the following morning. Kim was swept away by Mairelon's aunt for the majority of the morning, and Mairelon was still missing when she returned.  
  
Kim went to bed that night feeling scared. Had she driven Mairelon away? Did he no longer wish to marry her...  
  
Kim's worries were interrupted by a distant sound like a crash. She climbed out of bed and slipped into the hallway to listen. Hearing nothing, she wondered if she'd just imagined the sound. Too curious to return to the formidable task of trying to stave off her worries long enough to fall asleep, Kim pulled on her dressing gown and headed downstairs.  
  
The light was on in the library, and Kim's heart skipped a beat as she eased the door open and peered through.  
  
Her first view of Mairelon from across the library tore at her heart. He was slouched in one of the chairs by the long table, a decanter in front of him but no glass. His head was thrown back to rest on the chair and his eyes were closed, but worry and unhappiness lined his face. Kim had never seen him look so vulnerable. She swallowed her racing heart and crossed over to him.  
  
"Kim!" Mairelon said in surprise, sitting up a little shakily. "I was sure you'd gone to bed..."  
  
"I thought I heard something..." Kim told him uncertainly.  
  
"Ah, probably me knocking the glass to the floor," he said, gesturing at the mess he'd rather ineffectively tried to clean up.  
  
Kim studied Mairelon carefully and decided he was more than a little on the go. Had she driven him to drinking yet again? "Are you... all right?" she asked timidly.  
  
"Just fine," he said with a hint of sarcasm. He gestured expressively toward the floor. "The rug, on the other hand, has seen better days."  
  
Kim moved past him and crouched on the floor to mop up the spill better than Mairelon had managed to. When she stood, she found herself nearly eye to eye with Mairelon. Her heart fluttered with excitement at the look in Mairelon's eyes.  
  
"Kim..." he whispered, and suddenly his lips were on hers. The kiss was never gentle; from the beginning it was passionate, shocking Kim with its intensity. But it awakened a need in her that she'd never known she had, and she kissed Mairelon back.  
  
When Mairelon broke away, Kim was breathless. She found herself completely in Mairelon's embrace, pressed against the table by his body. Mairelon leaned his forehead on hers and tried to breathe in evenly. Suddenly he backed away and held Kim at arm's length. "God, Kim," he said haltingly, "I'm sorry... I... You should go back to bed..." He turned away from her and leaned against the table with both palms flat on its surface.  
  
Feeling confused and rejected, Kim had no choice but to leave the library.  
  
*** 


	9. Chapter 9

***  
  
Kim spent more time battling her fears than she did sleeping. Her spirits were raised when she saw Mairelon in the hallway in the morning. The elation of the night before returned and she told herself to ignore his strange behavior after that amazing kiss.  
  
Mairelon caught sight of her and looked down quickly. "I apologize about last night, Kim," he told her stiffly.  
  
Kim's former happiness faded. Did Mairelon regret kissing her? Was he not attracted to her in the same way it was becoming increasingly apparent that she was attracted to him? Had she done something wrong?  
  
Kim had to close her eyes to regain her composure.  
  
"If you don't mind," Mairelon continued, "I'd like to push our magic lesson off 'til tomorrow."  
  
"Okay," Kim said, her heart sinking further. After Kim lost control of the analysis spell the other day, they'd agreed to work on discovering the true- seeking spell today. Now Mairelon was postponing it...  
  
Breakfast was sheer torture. Afterwards, Kim did her best to avoid Mairelon, though she didn't have to put forth much effort since it seemed he was avoiding her as well.  
  
Kim happened to be walking down the hallway at the moment Mairelon chose to slip out the back door after a quick glance around. Curious, Kim followed and witnessed him giving orders to have the coach ready. Kim went back inside, wondering why Mairelon was taking the trouble to make sure no one knew he was leaving. Or at least that's what Kim assumed he was doing, since he could have more easily passed word through the servants for the horses to be made ready, which might have been overheard by her or Mairelon's mother or aunt.  
  
Kim was in her rooms and already stripping out of her clothes to trade them for boy's clothing before realizing that she'd made the decision to follow Mairelon. It was too late in the afternoon for social calls, nor was anyone likely to be at the Royal Wizard's College this late. Where could Mairelon be going?  
  
*** 


	10. Chapter 10

***  
  
THE PRESENT  
  
Finding Mairelon was making a nearly nighttime visit to Renee D'Auber hadn't put Kim in better spirits, but the shock that she had actually followed Mairelon had finally settled in. What had she been thinking? What would Mairelon say if he found she'd gone out? It was becoming increasingly apparent that Mairelon would be back home hours before Kim could get there on these back roads by foot.  
  
Kim continued her steady run, glad for the exercise, but becoming increasingly distressed as dusk had quickly faded into true night and storm clouds loomed. Increasingly, alarm bells were going off in her head as she thought she saw things in the shadows. Was that a man trailing after her, or only her imagination? Formerly, she wouldn't have worried much. But now she had so much more to lose. And she wasn't as street-smart as she'd once been; it had been over a year since she'd had to survive in this world. She kept running, her feet now prompted by a growing fear.  
  
Kim cursed her luck under her breath as she felt the first of several large raindrops fall from the sky. It didn't pour down rain, but it was soon falling steadily. Kim shivered despite her jacket and gave up running for she was out of breath.  
  
Jogging now and utterly miserable, Kim was startled by the sudden thought of Mairelon turning up to rescue her. 'Silly twit,' she reprimanded herself for hoping such a thing. But the surprising thing was how much she wished it to be true. The former Kim would never have entertained a fantasy about someone else coming to her aid. She'd been a loner, completely self-sufficient and trusting no one. How different she was now, completely dependent upon Mairelon in more ways than she'd thought possible. Why did that scare her so much?  
  
Her pursuers, real or imagined, disappeared from her peripheral vision, and Kim slowed to a walk, now making a sloshing sound with every step since her shoes and clothes were drenched clean through. She cursed her stupidity in following Mairelon tonight. Surely he'd left and already gotten home by now. On the way to Renee's, she'd stolen a ride, clinging to the back of his carriage and unseen by the driver. By foot, she had another thirty minutes 'til she'd make it home.  
  
*** 


	11. Chapter 11

***  
  
Kim removed her muddied shoes and entered the house through the servants' entrance. She could hardly go into the upper floors of the house dripping all over the place. Luckily, after a minimal search, Kim found Hunch and three other men playing cards and called out to him from the hallway, "Hunch?"  
  
Hunch looked up and squinted into the dark hallway. He left the others to the game, which they seemed too absorbed in to notice what servant boy was calling for Hunch's attention. He met her in the hallway and was about to speak when his eyes widened and he said, "Kim?!" He took in her soaked and shivering form and immediately began chewing on one end of his mustache.  
  
"I, er, had some business to take care of. But it started raining on me and..." Kim stopped, sternly telling the quiver in her voice to go away.  
  
"I'll get a towel," Hunch said decisively and left her there in the darkened hall. He returned with a whole armload of towels, which Kim used to try to dry the outside of her clothes to at least stop from dripping on the floor. Finally, with one towel draped over her shoulders and under the hair that had escaped the cap, a shivering Kim was led by Hunch up to her rooms. He handed her more towels than she would ever need to get dry and stepped back. "You'll be fine then," he said rather than asked, apparently uncertain.  
  
"I'm fine, Hunch; thank you," Kim assured him. She wasn't sure how convincing she sounded, as he was still chewing the end of his mustache when she left him.  
  
Kim got out of the wet clothes and into a warm nightgown and dressing gown. But even then she couldn't seem to stop shaking. Her teeth were chattering and she felt chilled despite the warm clothes. Her tangled hair was a mess, and she sat on the bed with a brush, trying without much success to straighten it. She yearned for the shorter hair she'd kept all the years she'd passed for a boy.  
  
Finally, in exasperation, her shaking hands forced her to stop and she sat huddled on the edge of the bed, clutching the hairbrush and squeezing her eyes shut against tears. It was then that she heard a knock on the door. Her heart racing in sudden panic, Kim called out, "Who's there?"  
  
"May I come in?" Mairelon's voice came hesitantly.  
  
Fighting a mix of emotions, Kim managed to tell him to enter. His eyes went right to her and took in her wet hair as well as her shivering form. His face was unreadable. Kim just sat there watching him, realizing Hunch must have gotten him and wondering what she would say when Mairelon asked why she'd been running about in the rain.  
  
Mairelon sat down next to her carefully and took the brush from her. "Good God, Kim!" he exclaimed when he felt her frozen hands. He immediately took both of her hands in his and began rubbing them to warm them. A frown of worry touched his face.  
  
They sat in silence until he released her hands. Kim stared at the floor in front of her, desperately trying to think of what to say to explain her actions. Mairelon was quiet beside her, and she wished she knew what he was thinking. When he spoke, his voice was low and rough with emotion. "You should get to bed."  
  
Kim sighed. "I wanted to..." she said, gesturing to her impossibly tangled hair. Her gaze returned resolutely to the floor, lest Mairelon see how distraught she was. After a moment's pause, she felt Mairelon move beside her and was shocked when she realized he'd situated himself on the bed behind her and was now working on the ends of her hair with the brush.  
  
Kim let him work in silence, now too enthralled by his closeness and what he was doing to worry about accounting for her actions tonight. As he made progress on the lower tangles, he moved up her hair, and she could feel his hand on her head to keep his efforts from hurting. As Mairelon continued to touch her and straighten her hair, Kim became aware of exactly how close he was. She also realized there were hardly any tangles left and that he was just continuing to slowly pull the brush through her hair. Without truly thinking first, she let herself lean back the few inches it took to be against him. He stopped brushing, and Kim let her eyes close against the sensations running through her body.  
  
She felt Mairelon set the brush down on the bedcover beside them and very slowly lower his head to hers, finally resting his cheek against the back of her head. Kim kept her eyes closed though she could hardly feign sleep when her pulse was racing so. A long moment went by before Mairelon spoke.  
  
When he did, she could barely hear his whisper, "Kim... please tell me what's been wrong..."  
  
He sounded so sad; Kim cursed herself for causing that sadness. "I'm sorry, Mairelon," she said quickly, "I shouldn't 'ave gone out..."  
  
"Don't worry about that," he told her. "But there's been something upsetting you... for the past week?"  
  
"I'm sorry," Kim said again weakly.  
  
Mairelon's arms went around her and he hugged her to him fiercely. "You've nothing to be sorry for," he said in no uncertain terms, tightening his arms around her in reassurance before loosening them again. "I've just been concerned about you..." he said slowly.  
  
Kim sat in silence, feeling so comfortable in Mairelon's embrace, but having no clue how to explain her worries to him.  
  
"Do you still..." Mairelon began, his voice catching. "That is, do you... want to marry me still?" he managed.  
  
"Of course I do!" Kim said fervently, her hands going to clutch his arms around her. She could hear his relieved sigh. Had he really been worried she'd changed her mind? She had to make him understand what had been eating at her this past week. "I've just been so worried I can't make you happy," she said, then blushed profusely. "I don't have no ... *any* idea how to be anyone's wife. Much less a real lady like your mother or Aunt Agatha. You should be marrying someone better."  
  
Mairelon sat up straighter, removing his head from hers where it had rested. "Kim," he said seriously, "I had no idea of the sort of pressure I was putting on you..." He moved so that they were side by side where he could see her face, ending the contact between them save for one arm around her side. "I just want you to be happy, Kim," he said sincerely. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to."  
  
"But I do want to!" she said, now really blushing as she realized exactly what they might be talking about. She fixed her gaze on the floor as she said, "I'm just not sure I'll make you happy..."  
  
"As long as you're with me, I'll be happy," he said softly. Her eyes were drawn back to him, and she could see the sincerity in his eyes. All her doubts seemed silly now. What had she been so afraid of? After all, this was *Mairelon.* He looked truly beautiful sitting there beside her, and she wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on hers again and forget the turmoil of the past week. He smiled slightly, then obliged her unspoken wish.  
  
The kiss warmed her down to her toes. It was soft and gentle at first, then more insistent and desperate as they each realized how close they'd come to losing each other over baseless fears. When the kiss ended, Kim felt decidedly lightheaded. When Mairelon finally recovered enough to reopen his eyes, the intensity Kim saw in them fairly shocked her. She'd no idea she could affect Mairelon in that way.  
  
He settled back beside her and seemed to compose himself, but kept her hand in his and traced her palm lightly with his thumb. "We'll communicate better from now on?" he asked her.  
  
"Yes," she promised.  
  
He nodded, and pointed out, "I should let you get some sleep."  
  
She nodded absently, realizing he still hadn't asked what she'd been up to tonight. And one question still remained for her. "Mairelon?"  
  
"Hmm?" When she looked up to meet his eyes, she realized he'd been staring at her for some time.  
  
Kim swallowed. "What had you so nattered the day we went to the Royal College a week ago?"  
  
His eyebrows went up in surprise. "I didn't know you'd noticed." Now his gaze shifted away uncomfortably, "I suppose I was worried about the same things you've been worrying about. We saw those amateur magicians from the streets, and I realized that could have been you, if anyone had thought to train you. It reminded me what a different past you've had, and I couldn't..." He cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. "I couldn't figure out what in the world you saw in me."  
  
"Silly clunch," she murmured. "I love you."  
  
His eyes met hers with wonder. "Kim, I love you..." he said as he kissed her again. He didn't have much restraint left, and the kiss was demanding and passionate. They were both breathless when it ended. Kim sighed as she felt Mairelon's lips fall to her neck. He moved across her skin, kissing her slowly. When he pulled back, his eyes were dark with emotion. "Kim, I need to leave now, before... I'll see you in the morning?"  
  
She nodded, feeling a sense of loss as Mairelon's arms left her. She smiled as he crossed the room to the door. "Have we still got a magic lesson tomorrow?"  
  
He flashed her a smile. "Count on it."  
  
***  
  
(The End) 


End file.
